Update on last post (aka surviving "transition or die")

Allright, so a quick update on where I am after the last post. I still don't know. I'm in complete turmoil at this point. So, I'm assuming the majority of my readers are transgender (but I have absolutely no proof of this, I'm just assuming that you are because let's be honest, you're probably not looking up websites made for trans-people unless, you know, you're trans), and you probably know about the "transition or die" moment that many trans people experience. For the cisgender people (or the trans people who don't know), there's a moment in many transgender's lives where the dysphoria becomes so overwhelming that they will literally kill themselves if they don't transition. I am fully convinced, without any actual evidence that many of the suicides which plague the community come from this. Well, I survived that moment which came earlier this summer shortly after I started this blog. For those who have not hit that point or are currently at that point, I'm not going to say that this is what you will experience, but at least for me, what followed after surviving that (which believe me, was near impossible and I'm still amazed that I did), was complete meaningless and hopelessness. That's where I am now. I want to die. Not necessarily kill myself, in fact I generally don't anymore, but I want to die. I don't see any point in life and have lost literally all hope. Everything is negative to me. Happiness is something so far out of reach that I truly don't believe that I could ever reach it. Honestly, the only thing I could do at this point to leave this meaningless is transition. I know it's not going to cure my depression or solve all my problems, because that's frankly stupid, and anyone telling you that transition is a cure-all for depression, anxiety, or other problems is probably a manipulative liar who should not be listened to. That said, I do believe the only way to leave the complete emotional turmoil from lack of care of my life is to transition, but thanks to my family and church and the city I live in (which is VERY conservative), I feel would also destroy me. I just don't see a way out. Everything brings me down. Honestly, even reading the Bible and praying often brings me down these days as it just seems as if God isn't even listening and the Bible just seems to condemn everything I think. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the Bible condemns transgender people for being transgender, or even necessarily transitioning, but I feel that it does. I know that seems to be a contradictory sentence, but notice, I don't "think" the Bible condemns, so intellectually I know that Bible isn't condemning but at the same time I "feel" that it does, though I recognize that's from the horrible view I was raised to have of myself by the church constantly trying to destroy those who are transgender. Anyway, that's all I really have today. Saturday is "Tumblr Roundup" day and I'm going to put in some actual effort into this one in getting good content into it. I owe you guys that much at least.