Ramblings of a Transgender Christian

Allright, here's the last two weeks worth of stuff on Tumblr by yours truly. Enjoy. Posts by me: (NOTE: For some odd reason, some of the links wouldn't work when connected to text, so I'm going to have to do URL's underneath the text. Ugh.) Death Therapy "Voices" album https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/187386174890/via Boyfriend kills transgender woman https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/187280151750/boyfriend-charged-in-death-of-22-year-old Science denying in the transtrender community https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/187242172950/science-denying-in-the-transtrender-community Why LGBT acceptance is on the decline https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/187194324855/via-httpswwwyoutubecomwatchv-3jaffkzqr4m Favorite reblogs: If the child is passionate about anything... A Pastor on suicide The "Q" word and the LGBT community

First off, I want to thank you all for sticking with this blog. "But, Anna, this blog has only been around for a few months, why are you saying this already?" Well, the noble-sounding reason is that I really appreciate you guys, or girls, or whatever else you identify as (and I do). The real reason is that despite the fact that the number of those who consistently read my blog is still in single-digits, I somehow have made it to the first page of  "Trans Christians" when you search on Yahoo, Bing, and DuckDuckGo. Not there yet on Google, but I am on the others, and that's apparently how a few have found me recently, and I truly do thank you all for this. Now, while this is a bit of a celebration, this is also a bit of a downer for me, and here's why. This just goes to show how few resources are actually out there for transgender Christians. The fact that my blog that literally only has a few hundred visits in it's ENTIRE LIFETIME is on the front page of ...

As I reflect on my life (which is pretty much all-the-time, as my mind is pretty much impossible to shut off for more than a second), one thing that I have learned is how things that the vast majority of the world, including myself thought were horrible things, and cynical thoughts really aren’t that terrible (still terrible, but maybe not as bad as thought) and aren’t cynical. Yes, I know, it seems like I’m spouting nonsense. Let me explain. The whole point of this is to talk about suffering. We mere mortals, including Christians view pain and suffering as bad things. It’s understandable, it hurts, it’s not fun and we do everything we can to avoid such things. In fact suffering is used as arguably the number one argument (yes, that was a terrible redundant statement, get over it) why God doesn’t exist and/or doesn’t care, so no one should be religious, or in some cases, just Christian. I’m someone who has suffered, a lot. Now, obviously not as much as a starving child in Africa or...

So, I've been doing a series on whether transgenderism is sinful or not, because well, I'm trans and a Christian, and want to destroy the harmful idea that the Bible is against being transgender. Now, I'm not gay, at all (I'm asexual), but the church is still propagating the harmful idea that homosexuality is a sin, when it absolutely is not, and today I will do my part in the first part of this series explaining how the Bible does NOT condemn homosexuality. Anyway, let's get on with it. So, there are a few ways we can attack the idea that this verse condemns homosexuality. First, this verse is not talking about homosexuals, at all. It's talking about straight people who commit homosexual acts. At the time it was common practice among many of the false religions to have their followers do sacrifices to false gods by committing homosexual acts. So, in other words, it's sinful to go against your nature, which leads to the next point. If the point of these v...

Allright, so I've been on Tumblr for about a week, and so here are links to each post I made on Tumblr over the last week (and a few of my favorite reposts): My posts: I Stopped Playing Crash Team Racing https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/186909631870/stopped-playing-crash-team-racing Addicted to Abuse https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/186928957936/addicted-to-abuse Sunday Music: Days Gone By https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/186943038060/days-gone-by-audio-hillsong-young-free-so Clothes Shopping (A.K.A. Dysphoria Inducer) https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/187012080240/clothes-shopping-aka-dysphoria-inducer Interviewed Today... https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/187055732135/interviewed-today Moral Problems https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/187060666395/moral-problems Favorite reposts: Some Statistics (on transitioning) https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com/post/186918967320/transgenderteensurvivalguide-some-statistics Experts Agree Gender Identity is Biologic...

Why do trans people exist? Because they were born with brains like those of their desired sex, rather than with brains of their sex-assigned-at-birth. Because their brain sex doesn't match their physical sex, something clearly needs to be done, which is why trans people generally transition, to align their body more closely with their brain. This mismatch of brain and body creates a discomfort, a sense of wrongness, called gender dysphoria (read a pretty good list of symptoms here ). So, if you're brain doesn't match your body you are trans, if you're body and brain match, you're cisgender. Normal. Thus, the only logical conclusion is that if you don't have a mismatch, you have no dysphoria, and if you have no dysphoria, you cannot be trans. This makes sense right? Being transgender is a medical condition, and gender dysphoria is a mental illness, of which there is no cure, only medicine to make your life better, called transitioning. Now, all that said, there...

So, it's been a few months, but I'm finally doing another one of these. If you haven't read the first one, check it out by clicking here . Anyway, let's move on to today's verse and why I don't think the Bible condemns being transgender. Anyway, today's verse is Deuteronomy 22:5 : "A woman is not to wear male clothing, and a man is not to put on a woman's garment, for everyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD your God. (CSB) Seems pretty clear cut right? Not really. There are three ways that I attack the cis-normative interpretation that views this as a slam on transgenders like myself (the arguments will go from what I consider the weakest to what I consider to be the strongest). The first way I would say that this doesn't condemn transgenderism is basically one of the reasons the Bible doesn't condemn homosexuality (got that post coming hopefully tomorrow), and that is, to separate the Jews from the religious cults aro...

So, remember those fake friends that I told you about? I finally cut them off. One of them I didn't even bother saying anything at all to and the other one, the closer of the friends, I confronted her, let her know I was on to her. Her reaction? Continue to lie and then block me on social media. Blocking me on social media was the last straw. I was so beyond done with being lied to, and this was a blatant insult to my intelligence, claiming to be my friend, then blocking me on social media right afterwards. Yep, sounds like a friend to me. So, I have deleted both their numbers from my phone and text messages to them. I have blocked both on social media. I am done talking to them. I have finally stood up for myself and cut toxic people out. Not going to lie, I am struggling a bit with guilt and unease. But, I expect (and hope) those feelings go away soon. I'm assuming most of it has to do with how used I am to not standing up for myself and letting myself be abused to keep the p...

So, I decided to start another blog, this time on Tumblr. Why? Because I don't want to post only dead-serious things all the time, but honestly, that's the vibe that I've made for this blog, and I don't like breaking vibes, especially when there are regular readers, which I have (not many mind you, but still, a few, and that's something that honestly shocks me, why anyone would want to read what's going on in my messed up brain is beyond me, but I sincerely thank you for doing so. You have no idea how much it truly means to me, it makes me feel more visible in a way). So, my Tumblr blog will basically go for the shorter stuff, especially more fun stuff (mostly comedic observations, artwork, pictures, gaming, music, videos and some other things), but also be used to link to new articles here and for when I need to quickly vent. Anyway, here's the link:  https://n1cklybear.tumblr.com

So, a while ago I told you all I would write an article discussing what it's like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and now here it is. So, first, what is BPD? It is someone with at least 5 of these symptoms (taken from Psych Central ): Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment , whether the abandonment is real or imagined A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation Identity disturbance , such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating ) Recurrent suicidal behavior , gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) Ch...

So, now that the Lord has removed the uncontrollable urge to transition right away, what do I do now? Do I continue preparing for a future life as Anna? Or do I focus on living life as male? I know the Lord is telling me to "wait" for transition (which is hard), but what do I do in the meantime? On one hand I feel that since I do believe transitioning to be in my future, that I should continue preparing, but at the same time, I feel that I'm not abiding by "wait", you know, I'm not actually waiting, I'm pushing for something I'm not to have at the moment if I don't focus on trying to be a guy. I honestly don't know. Why does this have to be so hard?

So, these are some lies that the voices in my head have been telling me and my rebuttals to them. I actually wrote these down on paper and took a picture of it, but Blogger for some reason won't let me upload it, so I'll just manually type them in. My life is worthless  My life is meaningful My life has value I should just die I NEED to live I provide uniqueness to this world I'm nothing more than a f**got God loves diversity I'm more than my gender & sexuality, I am a child of God I'm unloveable/No one could ever love me Even if that's true God still loves me I'm unworthy of love I'm still worthy of the greatest act of love there ever was, Jesus's sacrifice on the cross I hate myself Why? I am worth so much Even though I don't know how, someday I'll learn to love myself My very existence hurts others Someday I'll find a response to this Anyway, that's what I wrote last night, and it really h...

The Lord lately has been showing me how I truly am weak, as in I literally cannot do anything on my own. I am incapable, only the Lord can enable me to do anything. Recently that was by giving me the nearly uncontrollable urge to just come out to everyone and transition despite the fact it is not good for me to do so at the moment. The Lord used it to show me how little faith and strength that I truly have. So, now that my lesson has been learned, how do I keep my eyes on the Lord despite how overwhelming dysphoria can be at times and the hole in my heart where my parents lov should have been. How do I focus on Him despite these giant, distracting holes are? Then again, am I looking at this all wrong?  Maybe those things shouldn't be looked at as distractions but as the things that I need to use to keep my trust in the Lord to provide what I need. That's what I'm going with right now.